


The Ultimate Price

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-03 00:44:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15807864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: Tommy reflects... and confessess when he thinks Barbara can't hear*Finally complete!*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended

When our car had been run off the road and into the wooded verge by Franklin, my one and only concern had been for Barbara; as long as she was safe, nothing else mattered. As her head impacted against the passenger window I'd screamed her name. It had taken what seemed like hours for her to respond, and even then it was only a groan, but it reassured me that she was still alive.

Franklin's priority appeared to be escaping rather than killing us, and he departed in a cloud of burning rubber and exhaust fumes. I grappled with my seatbelt, freeing myself, scrambling to my knees, and then reaching out to Barbara, my hand resting on her shoulder, scared that I might make her injuries worse.

“Barbara? Are you okay?”

She groaned again, but turned to face me, and I could see blood running down her cheek.

“Define okay.”

I smiled at her softly, “you’re still alive.”

“I should bloody hope so with the headache I’ve got. If I felt like this in the afterlife I’d be making a complaint to St Peter himself!”

Rummaging in my jacket pocket, I pulled out my mobile. “Try not to move too much, I’m going to call for help.”

“And there I was planning on a little afternoon stroll through the woods.”

“As appealing as that sounds, let’s wait until you’ve been checked out in hospital.”

She grimaced, “if we must.”

…The fire brigade and ambulance seemed to take forever, but I had kept Barbara talking, relieved that she seemed to be her usual caustic self, in spirit anyhow.

I hadn’t left her side, not even as she had been extracted from the car, and I had held her hand the entire way to the hospital. But on our arrival she had been whisked away from me, disappearing under a swarm of medical personnel, leaving me all alone.

That was when the memories came flooding back.

In all the years that Barbara and I had been partnered I had spent far too much time pacing hospital corridors or drinking bad tea in family rooms, panic holding my heart in its icy grip while I waited for news. Helen and Barbara; both had suffered for their association with me; Helen paying the ultimate price. I didn’t want that for Barbara, and the right thing to do would be to walk away.

I couldn’t do that.

Barbara, our connection, our relationship, it was as essential to me as water and air. She was my heartbeat, my conscience, my moral compass; my everything. To not have her in my life was incomprehensible.

“Mr Lynley?”

My train of thought abruptly derailed. I looked up to discover a nurse standing in the doorway.

“Yes.”

“Miss Havers is ready to be discharged.”

…I had insisted that Barbara come home with me. Surprisingly she hadn’t protested, and even more surprisingly she had dozed against me during the cab journey. I had helped her into the house, guiding her up the stairs and into my bedroom, where she had drowsily undressed to just her panties, pulled on one of my old t-shirts, and then slid under the duvet and drifted off to sleep.

Although I had been told to keep an eye on her, I hadn’t meant to do so in quite such a literal way, but as she settled down; her hair fanned out against my pillow, a small square of gauze covering the neat row of stitches on her left cheek, I couldn’t tear myself away. Adrenaline left me in a rush. I slumped down into the chair beside the bed and watched her sleep, tenderly stroking her hair, worried that I might wake her, but needing the contact all the same.

It had been a hell of a day; one that I prayed to any and all gods that we would never experience again, but we had made it through.

She muttered under her breath, the words unintelligible. Leaning forward, I kissed her forehead, my lips as soft as a butterfly’s wings, before moving my mouth level with her ear and whispering the three words I would never have the courage to say when she was awake.

“I love you.”


	2. Chapter 2

…I woke feeling as if a horse had kicked me in the head, and then invited a few of its friends over to line dance on my chest. Rolling over onto my back resulted in a torrent of swear words escaping from my lips.

“Can I help you?”

Shock proved to be a great distraction for the pain.

“Sir?”

“Yes.”

“What are you doing in my bedroom?”

“I’m not, you’re in mine.”

“What? Why? How? What?”

He chuckled, “which of those would you like me to answer first?”

“Umm, the why?”

“Franklin. He ran us off the road. The pain you are feeling is because of that. They had to cut you out of the car.”

“And the why part of that is?”

“You hit your head, when you were discharged they told me to keep an eye on you. You dozed off in the taxi, so I brought you back here.”

“I’m sorry to be so much trouble.”

“You aren’t, not in the slightest. Now, back to my original question; can I help you?”

“Painkillers, and then I need to go for a pee.”

He moved to help me sit up, and then passed me two pills and a glass of water. I necked them both quickly and then gingerly swung my legs over the edge of the bed.

“Do you want any help?”

“I’ve been going to the toilet on my own for a good few years now, but I’ll be sure to give you a yell if I find I’ve suddenly forgotten that particular life skill!”

“I was meaning more helping you up and to the bathroom if you were in pain or unsteady.”

“I was teasing you.”

The grin on his face stretched from ear to ear, “I know.”

I shook my head, and then immediately regretted it. “Ugh, don’t amuse me when I’m in agony.”

He immediately looked contrite. “Sorry. Now, about getting you to the bathroom.”

“Let me try. If I fall flat on my face, well, you can scoop me up and gloat.”

“I shall hold you to that…”

As the door to the en-suite closed behind her I slumped down on the bed, scrubbing at my eyes with the heels of my hands, tiredness overwhelming me. I was exhausted, mentally as well as physically, but I couldn’t rest, not until I was sure Barbara would be okay.

“When did you last get some sleep?”

I glanced up to see the woman in question leaning against the door jam.

“Honestly?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, dishonestly.”

“Probably yesterday, maybe the day before. I’m not really sure. I was more worried about you than sleep.”

Her expression was disapproving, “so, this is how it’s going to be is it?”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“Let me spell it out for you. You neglecting yourself in order to make sure I’m okay.”

“You were hurt!”

“And you were in the car too, I’m sure it wasn’t all puppies, kittens and sunshine for you.”

“I didn’t hit my head. I didn’t need to be cut out.”

“Take your shirt off.”

“Excuse me?”

“Take. Your. Shirt. Off.” 

“Why?”

“Because if you don’t I’m going to come over there and take it off for you.”

“Really?”

Her eyes narrowed, “try me.”

My hands shook as I started to undo the buttons, my fingers fumbling more than once. I was so preoccupied that I missed her crossing the room until she sat down beside me, her hands covering mine.

“Let me.”

My heart raced as she carefully unbuttoned it and then pushed it open, shivering as her fingers brushed against the exposed skin, tracing the bruise that the seatbelt had caused.

“I knew you weren’t being honest.” Her voice was low, “this must be hurting.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

She raised her gaze to meet mine. “Liar.”

“Okay, so it hurts, but you..”

“But me nothing. You need to sleep Tommy, I’ll go to the spare room.”

I caught hold of her wrist, preventing her escape. “Stay with me.”

“Here?”

I nodded, expecting her to protest.

“Okay.”

While she settled herself under the covers I removed my clothes until I was only clad in my boxers. My body was betraying me, so I closed my eyes, swallowed deeply, and tried not to think about the fact that I was about to share my bed with the woman I loved more than life.

“Come to bed Sir, I promise I won’t bite.”


	3. Chapter 3

I slid under the covers, keeping as far to my side of the bed as I could. 

“Honestly Sir,” I could hear the sigh in her voice, “you asked me to stay with you but now you’re acting as if I have something highly contagious, or I smell.”

I turned to face her, “it’s neither of those.”

“But it is something?”

“It’s me.”

“What’s you?”

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration and more than a little embarrassment, “do you really need me to spell it out to you?”

“Yes, because apparently I’ve got concussion, so my mind reading skills are a little impaired.”

“Exactly, so now isn’t the time to have this conversation.”

Her hand captured mine, our fingers lacing together. “I think now if the perfect time Tommy.”

“You called me Tommy.”

“Twice actually.”

“Why?”

She narrowed her gaze and tugged her hand free, “glad to see you’ve got your priorities straight! This is a bad idea, I should go.”

She threw back the covers and began to get out of bed. I scrambled after her, capturing hold of her wrist.

“Barbara, wait, please.”

“Why should I?”

“Because I owe you an explanation.”

“I know that! I asked you to spell it out to me and you chose to fixate on me calling you by your name, something that you’ve been asking me to do since your engagement party I might add. If you didn’t tell me when I asked, why the hell should I hang around now?”

“Because I’m trying to find the words to tell you that I am in love with you!”

I felt her body tense beneath my fingers, and I tightened my grip, terrified that if she walked out of the room our relationship wouldn’t survive.

“I know I haven’t given you any reason to trust me. I know you’ve had a front row seat for all of my relationship disasters, and I know you’ve had to sit and listen to my self-pitying diatribes, but you asked me to tell you the truth, and I am.”

“I believe that you believe you are.”

“I asked for that.”

“Probably, but I’m not looking to play tit for tat with you.”

“I’m not asking you to, I’m just asking you to hear me out and, if you don’t like what I say then I promise not to mention it again.”

“I can’t unhear things.”

“That’s kind of the point.”

Sighing deeply, she lay back down. I settled next to her, pulling the covers back over us.

“Thank you.”

“You might want to reserve the thanking me part until you’ve said your piece.”

“No, you’ve decided to hear me out so thank you.”

“Stop apologising and start talking before I change my mind and go home.”

“I’m in love with you, and I have been for a very long time. But you’ve seen what happens to people who become romantically involved with me, they end up in a pine box, and I didn’t want that for you.”

“So, what changed?”

“I couldn’t stand to lose you. When Franklin ran us off the road, I didn’t care what happened to me.”

“We covered that when I took off your shirt.”

“And that’s the point when I began to wonder if perhaps you were in love with me too.”

“You’ve always been a little slow on the uptake.”

“Sorry?”

She laughed, “case in point.” My confusion must have shown because her expression changed from amusement to something I now recognised as affection. “Oh Tommy, loving you and being in love with you is something I’ve lived with for almost as long as I’ve known you, but I’ve also known that I’m not the kind of woman you need.”

“No, you thought I needed Helen!”


	4. Chapter 4

I wanted to bolt, to take myself off to somewhere quiet, shove all my feelings back down deep inside of me and then forget all about this conversation, but I knew that I couldn’t. Instead, I forced myself to stay and say the words I had been keeping locked away deep inside of me.

“I shouldn’t have interfered. I was scared. Scared of how I felt about you, scared that I could care so much for someone that I was supposed to despise, scared that you might see how I felt. That time when you tried to kiss me, I was terrified. When you became jealous of Rhys I was relieved, it was a way to deflect the attention off me. I took your jealousy and convinced you it was love and I’m sorry.”

“I was jealous of Rhys, but it wasn’t because I was in love with Helen, I know that now. I once told you that I loved the idea of her, and that was the truth. My childhood, when my father died it fell apart and I was stuck as that seventeen-year-old boy who had everything he knew taken away from him. I became selfish, and needy, and possessive. I never wanted to be left alone again.”

“So why are you so sure about me? What makes you convinced that what you feel for me is love?”

“Because it’s different with you. When I argued with Helen, all I wanted to do was run to you. When I argue with you…”

“You know I’ll always be there, no matter what.”

“Most of the time.”

“Meaning?”

“When you tried to get out of bed and leave earlier, I had a terrible sense of foreboding. I don’t know why exactly, but I just couldn’t let you go.”

“For a partnership that works so well, we really need to put some effort into our communication skills.”

“I’m in love with you Barbara, and this time I know that what I feel is real. When I think about not having you in my life it frightens me. When I’m sad it’s you I want to be with. When I have a problem, it is you I want to talk it through with. When I’m happy it’s you I want to share it with. You are my everything, and I can only hope that you feel the same way.”

“I’ve already told you how I feel Tommy.”

“There’s a but coming, isn’t there?”

“Look at me, really look at me, and answer this question truthfully; can you see me as Lady Asherton?”

“Yes.” I went to speak but he pressed a finger to my lips, “no, listen to me and believe what I say. I see the woman I love completely. I see the woman that I would do absolutely anything for. I see you Barbara Havers, my equal and my everything. Now you answer me this in return; can you see me as your husband?”

“I’ve only dreamt about it a thousand times, but it can’t be this easy, can it?”

“It can be, if we want it to be. We’ve wasted far too much time already.”

“Your family are going to hate me.”

“My family love you, they want us both to be happy, and even if they didn’t, I want to be happy and being with you makes me happy. Come on Barbara, we’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. What do you say?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Apologies again for the long delay in posting this final chapter... Fibro was helpfully assisted by a heavy cold in preventing me from having the energy to complete it... thank you for your patience, your kudos and your comments_

I pushed the door closed and then turned to face Barbara, sliding my arms around her waist and tugging her until her body was flush up against mine.

“In case I forgot to tell you today Mrs Lynley, I love you.”

She laughed, her whole face lighting up and her eyes sparkling. “You told me, and on more than one occasion.”

“And you believe me?”

Slapping my chest playfully, she laughed again, “it’s our wedding day Tommy. If I didn’t believe you I wouldn’t have gone through with the ceremony.”

My expression turned serious, “did you think about not going through with it?”

She shook her head, “not once, not even for a second.” I saw a moment of panic flash across her face, “did you?”

“God no, never.”

“Good.” Nimble fingers began to undo the buttons of my shirt. “So, we’re finally alone.”

“We are.” I moved my hands upwards, tracing the contours of her body through the thin material of her dress.

“You know, I think we’re wearing far too many clothes.”

“Oh, you do?”

“Definitely.”

“Do you have any thoughts on how we might rectify that?”

“Mmmm.”

“Mmmm; is that all you’re going to say?”

Her hand came up, fingers stroking my face before tenderly tracing my lips.

“No, definitely not. Take me to bed Tommy.”

I smiled softly at her. “To do what?”

“Make love.”

Her voice was almost a whisper, but her expression playful.

“Hmmm, you know what, right now I can’t think of anything that I want more.”

"Neither can I. So, less talk and more action Mr Lynley. I feel as if I’ve been waiting for this moment forever.”

I swept her into my arms and carried her to the bed. “The past is over Barbara. No more sacrifices, no more pain, and no more paying the price for the sins of our parents. All that matters now is us. You and me. Our forever; it starts today.”


End file.
